Pub Poker Results: England

Look at these quotes!

“The Englishman has all the qualities of a poker except its occasional warmth.”
Daniel O’Connell

“I like the English. They have the most rigid code of immorality in the world.”
Malcolm Bradbury

Yet people are saying I’m being anti-English. In the week when Englishman John ‘bad luck’ Chalmers finally survived for more than ten seconds in the Wednesday poker league at The Old Inn, Dunfermline, people are saying I’m being unkind by picturing John in his famous cowboy hat and England strip with a wee tear-stained face.

They say my pretext for this is flimsy; that I’m taking unfair advantage of the fact that England had a truly appalling football team during the 1970s. Well, I have an answer for my critics; England have had an appalling football team for much, much longer than just the 1970s!

Anyway, I do feel a bit guilty, so to make it up to Chalms and any other English people out there, I’d like to talk up some of the fantastic things about England.

There’s the 2012 Olympics.

The greatest tennis tournament in the world, Wimbledon.

Liverpool, who John supports, have won European Cups galore – by far the greatest team of the seventies and eighties.

Manchester United, who have won more English league titles than anyone, plus a few European Cups, are by far the best team of the nineties and noughties.

Don’t let the mindless Sky Sports generation fool you. The sycophantic Barcelona drones, who think passing the ball ten yards and diving to the ground is good football, are wrong, and not just morally wrong, they’re statistically wrong too. As at today, Manchester United are still the No.1 top-ranked team in UEFA’s highly accurate coefficients.

Mind you my faith in stats has been shaken recently. Click HERE to see who’s top of our league table.